Almost There, or The Pain of Bardo

Years ago, I went on a date with a diabetic. This was during a time in my life when I was convinced that I would never, ever again meet someone I could possibly love, let alone spend the rest of my life with. I was 29 or so and in the thick of dealing with my body going awry and watching what I perceived as every single person I knew getting engaged or married, and so I went on a date with a man who asked me out on — if you can even recall such a time — Friendster. He claimed to be like Josh Lyman from The West Wing, and that meant a whole lot to me in those days. Continue reading

The Secrets We Keep

These days when I leave the house, I take the refrigerator with me. For a three-hour-long journey, I pack two peanut-butter sandwiches, two yogurts, an apple, two oranges, crackers, water and ginger ale. For a shorter trip—to the bank, let’s … Continue reading

In Great Expectation

Today I dared to pee on a stick. Actually, my bravery began a few days ago when I got on my bike and rode to the drugstore to pick up the pregnancy test.  I did my best to ride slow and not to sweat and more importantly, not to fall.

I had to do a u-turn on an unpaved road because they were doing construction.  Don’t fall. I rode to town and the Kruidvat was closed.  It was the day of the worker; everyone’s resting but me.  And of course, my in-laws had warned me about that last week but I forgot.

So yesterday I went again and everything was open and I tried not to make eye contact with the woman at the counter as I laid down six pregnancy tests.  Have a nice day, she said. Continue reading