Dear Diary

I have started to write and then thrown away too many blog posts this week.  I am feeling unable to generate anything of quality.  So I have decided to share with you an idea that I have been kicking around.  A while ago I dug out my old diaries and gave them a read.  They were full of ridiculousness that was begging to be shared publicly. When I wrote these entries, over twenty years ago, every word was serious and a precious secret.  If I had imagined that they would be shared one day I probably would have never written these thoughts down.   Funny how time changes perception.  Now, I find the worries and concerns and confusions of my young self utterly comical.  I hope that you do too.   My hope is that some of you may be brave enough to share some things that you wrote as kids or teenagers.   If sharing your own diaries is too daunting I hope that you can at least laugh at mine.   Here are some of the highlights, with the original spelling, grammar, punctuation and the original names.

I need to add a personal note to a particular MS contributor who makes an appearance in these entries (she will know who she is): I’m sorry.  I was stupid when I was 13, I hope you know I love you.

Some of my Diaries

Some of my Diaries

May 2/88 (Age 11)

Dear Diary,

I know this has been said before but life is looking up.  Adam dumped Kim + asked me out I said yes.

I guess I haven’t said anything about P.T.B.C or Pre-teen Boy Crazies.  It’s a club Sheila, Angie and I are in.  We made it up.  Its fun.  We try to where the same clothes + stuff like that.

January 19, 1990 Friday (Age 12)

Love                                                                      Hate

James                                                                   NKOTB

Dancing                                                               Cold Weather

rings                                                                      Pink

Depeche Mode                                                    School

Guys: I luv James

Freinds:  I think Jill hates me.

Favorite Song:  Bizzare Love Triangle – New Order

Diary 1

January 20, 1991 (Age 13)

Dear Diary,

I am having a bit of friend trouble.  You see in total my close friends are Bethany, Cecile, Mellissa, Jill and Cheryl.  Melissa and I were really good friends until school started again this year, but now – well, I really don’t know how to explain it.  The way that she acts – I think she hates me.  I guess I would rather be with Beth or Cecile, but I’m not sure if they really like me.  I think they do.

I have one other minor problem that is that we aren’t very popular. Cecile has told me her – “getting popular” tricks, here they are

1) Were nice clothes

2) Quote TV Shows like Arsinio Hall and Saturday Night Live

3) Be SUPER nice

4) If your asked what you think of someone just say ”she/he’s cool”

5 Never say anything bad about anyone

6) Leave class just as the popular people do so to get in on their conversation

7) Don’t be to smart!!

Thats it, I gotta go to bed now.

Junior High was not kind to me.  No wonder I was making list of how to be popular!

Junior High was not kind to me. No wonder I was making list of how to be popular!

Feb 10, 1991 (Age 14)

Dear Diary,

I want a boyfriend.  It would be really great.  There is a guy I know named Greg and recently  he’s realy turned me on.  Mentally, I hate him, however Physicaly, he is real good looking.  I’ve wanted to do stuff with him.  Not much, I’ve just wanted to neck.  For the past 4 years I’ve known Greg there has been an attraction to him, but my friends teased me badly when we went out last year.  He’s really very dumb, that gives me power over him, I like that.  I really must say good-night now.

7 thoughts on “Dear Diary

  1. FP! How brave of you! I absolutely adored every second of reading this. Perhaps one day I’ll get up the nerve to dig out my old journals and match your post. So brilliant.

    I was particularly taken with your voice in these entries. Favorite line:
    “I have one other minor problem that is that we aren’t very popular.”
    I feel like this is the opening of a book I would want to read or a movie I would love to watch.

  2. Love this! I just may dig up my old diary and share a few tidbits…

    We were obsessed with being popular, weren’t we? I remember that. But I wish I’d had those tips! Although I remember a teacher saying at the time that he thought the popular kids were the ones who listened the most to others – which I remember thinking was total BS.

    And yeah – those crazy years of shifting friends and alliances. For the record – I know you love me – I love you too – and I don’t think you were ever in my “bad” books. 🙂 I just remember being worried all the time that I was in someone else’s – worrying that someone secretly hated me.

    It does seem so trivial now, doesn’t it? But back then, it was all so deadly serious. I wonder if I’ll feel that way about my current diary entries when I’m 80.

  3. Awwh, I love this! At the same age, I too would try and devise ways of how to become ‘popular’ – it was so important to me back then, and I wish I could tell my younger self not to try and get caught up in that. Ahh hindsight is a wobderful thing ; ) I also enjoyed making up clubs to be apart of too hehe. Thanks for sharing! xx

  4. I have a few things to say:
    – at age 12, we had nothing in common. especially regarding NKOTB
    – I also thought that Jill hated me
    – my favorite line, and one that is so telling, and one which I wish I could have uttered at that age, or even later for that matter “He’s really ver dumb, that gives me power over him. I like that.” wow.
    how is it at that age we can be so narcissistic and yet so entirely focused on how other see us. i guess we are too young to see ourselves in our own eyes? And maybe while the writing and logic is better, it is, just as you say, the same now? O God.

    lastly, on being popular- i was popular once. never say anything bad about anyone. yeah that so wasn’t true then. maybe now though.

    loved this.

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