Last week, talking to a dear friend on the phone, I started a sentence with, “Having been married a week, now…”. She laughed and said I should put that in a blog, so here we are. Although, I have now been married two weeks, and therefore have double the wisdom to impart. Ha, ha.
Thinking about marriage often overwhelms me. Although I am very clear about what marriage means to me, I also, at times, feel like a little salmon in a big stream, trying to make sense of the water. This is not to say that I dislike marriage at all, quite the contrary. If marriage were a movie, I would give it two thumbs up. But I cannot shake the feeling that I’m in the midst of something I cannot fully comprehend, beyond my control.
I do feel different now that I’m married. I didn’t really expect to. Yes, I knew I was making a decision that would change my life irrevocably, but I assumed the changes would mostly be external; like living together, making major purchases together. I didn’t really expect to feel different inside. But like this fabulous blogger, I do. I’ve found a sense of peace and grounding in me that I’ve never experienced before.
I wonder if part of it has to do with knowing how this bit of the story ends. I’ve probably been wondering since the age of four if I would marry, who I would marry, and now those questions have been answered. And there is real satisfaction in that.
Also, since my LH (Loving Husband) and I did not live together before, being married and co-habitating bring delicious new joys. I wake up with a sweet, poignant gratitude to find him beside me. I want to pounce on him as soon as one of us gets home from work. I love it all; making breakfast together, leaving for work together, watching funny dog videos together. My dad, while visiting us for the wedding, said something like “well Blackberry Honey, now you have a friend to share your life with”. And that’s very much how I feel. I suspect that those of you who have been married for many years may want to pat me on my head and grin at my newlywed enthusiasm, but it is my hope that some careful tending of these joys will help them to last for a very, very long time. I am fully determined to be “one of those couples” who are just as happy on their fiftieth wedding anniversary as on their wedding day. Maybe even more so.
Finally, there’s just something powerful about holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes, and promising (in front of other people) to do your very best to honour your love and devotion to each other, and to bring the best parts of yourself to the other. There may be challenges, I know that. I understand that this marriage will be built on choices that each of us will make every single moment. But having made those promises, I feel called upon to learn and grow from difficult situations instead of leaving the room, and there is a tremendous sense of safety in knowing that my LH will do his very best to do the same.
Did you feel different after you got married? Any advice from those who have a little more experience in this field?