I bought Mom jeans.
I bought high-waisted tapered jeans. They even came in a mid-tone wash that was reminiscent of 1985.
There I admitted it. I may need a little therapy to get through this.
I’m not sure what I was thinking. No, actually, that is a lie. I know exactly what I was thinking and I know where it all went wrong. It went something like this:
- Mix a post-partum lack of body image with the most recent issue of InStyle. Ogle all the tall thin models and celebrities. Whip into self-loathing
- Bring self-loathing to a low boil. Continue to simmer each morning as you search through your closet which has nothing (no, the 8 other pairs of jeans don’t count!) for you to wear. Add a dash of passive aggressiveness by standing in front of the mirror and huffing loudly within ear shot of your husband while partly clothed. When he has come to a low simmer declare your intent to ‘try something new.’
- Pour yourself a drink and crack open the InStyle.
- Pick the most difficult look to replicate.
- Add children to the car and make your way to the nearest mall.
- Make your way to H&M or F21 or any other store that will sell you cheap garb because as much as you need those high waisted jeans you are a little nervous to commit.
- Mix ice cream or popcorn with the children so that they will sit quietly while Mommy shops. This step should last about 3 minutes.
- While children are mixing with treats, estimate your frequently changing pant size and grab a pair of high waisted jeans.
- Leave as quickly as possible without trying on jeans.
- Once at home try on jeans.
So now I am the proud owner of these:
Truthfully I didn’t go as wrong a Jessica Simpson did. In case you missed the tabloid field day, here is her faux-pas.
So, I’m wondering, what has been your major fashion flub? Was there a trend that you thought you could pull off? Have you ever bought an article of clothing only to hate it the next day? I’d love to know that I am not the only one who has a closet full of clothes that I mildly disdain.
I am off to buy an applique vest to go with my new jeans. I think I like this one.